Step 1 – Walk away.
The first thing and possibly one of the most difficult is learning to walk away. Many times we give in our our urge to fight before we have time to think through what we are going to say or do. Walking away will give you time to cool off and think about if what happened is worth your time even worrying about. If it turns out to be worth your time you will now have time to think about the next step in your action plan.
Step 2 – Communicate using “I” phrases.
Once you have decided that you are going to do something, communicating correctly is extremely important. When you talk about what happened make sure you start your sentences with “I” instead of “You.” Using “You” to start your sentences comes across to the other person as attacking them personally and once they think you are attacking them they will automatically be put on defense. Once the other person is on defense you have lost them because they will not be listening to what you have to say, but only thinking of ways to defend themselves against your attacks.
Step 3 – Listen correctly.
During your conversation make sure that you are listening to the other person because chances are their points are just as valid as yours. Don’t interrupt and repeat what the other person had to say back to them once they are done speaking. This way both of you know that you understood them; after you are done repeating them ask the other person to repeat what you had to say as well to make sure they understood you.
Step 4 – Forgive.
This is the most important step of them all. Once you have the air cleared forgive the other person for what they did. You need to do this in order to move on with your day and your life without any excess baggage being carried on your shoulders. If you allow the baggage to stay you will more than likely direct your anger at the other person. Even worse, you may direct this anger towards someone that is totally undeserving of it.
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